How to improve the Full English

Almost every day a picture will appear on my social media feed of a full English Breakfast. The debate around it is intense and passionate, stopping just short of blows. There is even a dedicated group, The English Breakfast Society, self-appointed custodians of the tradition dedicated to its history, heritage, and culture. There is even a film called FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST, with Dave Courtney.

I like my breakfast to be ordered, delivered to the table. Those hotel buffets are a crime against humanity, the life and soul being sucked out by the hot plates and lights.

Fierce debate often breaks out over the question of ‘If you had to leave one item out, what would it be’. I am not sure I can add more to the discourse on this subject, as it has been done to bits.

However, if we flip the question around to ‘If you had to add one new item what would it be?’

Of course, the purists will howl, the EBS will be outraged, but let’s remember the English Breakfast has always evolved. From its very early origins with the landed gentry and their great hunts. Through standardisation of the Victorians and Edwardians before becoming the working-class staple. Available in all good cafes and B&Bs. It probably hit peak in the fifties, when the nature of work meant you needed a calorie bomb to start the day.

But is the debate now locked, are we denying it the opportunity to have the freedom to evolve.

Let us begin with the base level of breakfast. For what I can see it must contain sausages, bacon, egg, tomato, mushrooms, and black pudding. Beans seem to split the camps, and hash browns are a non-starter. A bit of regional discretion over fried bread/potato scones are allowed depending on how Celtic you are.

What I find curious is how pork and eggs have such a monopoly. I mean we are a nation renowned for our beef and lamb, but not to start the day. We are an island nation, yet no seafood. Ok you can argue that kippers and kedgeree are acceptable breakfast dishes, but just not on a full English.

You see those who want to introduce some strict regulation run the risk of the brand just slowly declining. We need to have some innovation in the brand, product extensions, a fresh marketing plan to attract new consumers, to reflect the new culture that we exist in. A broad vision as to where we want the Full English Breakfast to be in twenty years’ time.

So having established the basics back to the question. If you had to add something new, what would it be (and you can’t say nothing, cause it’s my game). It needs to follow the strict guidelines, fried, or grilled and loaded with calories.

Pigs & Blankets

Right surely an easy one to kick off as both ingredients are already there. Why should this delicacy be cruelly restricted to the festive season. I think the challenge might be the streaky bacon versus back bacon which seems a little childish. Perhaps the sausages are too small, but then just have more. 

Deep Fried Mozzarella

So, I find myself pondering how we introduce cheese. You can’t’ just be a ripe stinky cheese on the plate, that will be a vote loser. I think it needs to be like a deep-fried mozzarella. The problem is that the jingoists won’t stand for it. A quick google search suggests that there is an English substitute so maybe we can overcome that. 

Kebab meat

Right let’s take the controversy up a notch. There are now 1.3m kebabs sold every day in the UK. It is now ubiquitous, and would easily slide on to the breakfast plate, possibly beside the potato scone instead of the pitta bread. Clearly no chilli sauce, you will need to make do with red or brown. What a great way to reflect our modern multi- cultural society to celebrate its innovation. Inviting a new culture to break bread with.

Scampi

How do I crack the question of fish. I thought about fish fingers but can’t get it out of my head that this is a tea for toddlers. So, what about a nice couple of fluffy nougats of scampi, fried golden brown. In Norway scampi referred to as the sausage of the sea, so maybe it has some brekky credential after all. 

Peas

Now personally baked beans are not for me. I object to their concept on the basis that 95% of the population cannot identify the bean (haricot by the way). I have seen a picture on Twitter of peas on a breakfast and I think they might be on to something as it becomes visually more stimulating, something that is essential for the Insta generation. A beautiful yellow yolk, a luscious deep red of the tomato, the vibrant green of the pea. An outburst of colour on a beige plate. 

Yorkshire Pudding

The other problem I have with the beans is that they bleed in to the other ingredients. I have seen them served on pots or ramekins, but it feels a bit twee. So, what about serving them in a Yorkshire pudding. Or what about leaving them out and going with gravy. Now no one can say no to gravy. 

Avocado

I want to find a way to connect with Gen Z, and I think that this must be the way forward. There is to be compromise though, so they will need to concede that we can deep fry it. The only potential headache is that they consume so many already, that if we add them to a full English, we might have supply chain problems. 

I am sure there are many other items that could be put up for consideration to help it get its mojo back. 

P.S If you have reached this point in the story, you will surely know that I am only joking.

 John GG